Lexicon Chapter 13: Heaven’s Gate
by JudgeDreadz
The following week was not so great either. The time I spent on campus was a constant reminder of the sexual encounters I was missing out on due to my lack of experience in attracting the opposite sex. In addition, I called my supervisor at Walter Clark and had to tell him that I was not feeling well. It was kind of true, the idea of going back there and having to confront Jessica after my pathetic attempts from a week ago was giving me a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was hoping that after a few weeks of me feigning illness, they would give the position to someone who deserved it and that would be less people for me to share my misery with. It would work out better for everyone.
At home, I watched Dad sorting a pile of coins into two piles. I knew that if I wanted some kind words, I knew Dad would not hesitate to serve them to me. However, I also realised the words would be coming from the man that personified the very situation I was trying to avoid. I watched him, a successful, wealthy, reasonably good looking man sitting at home on a Friday night in his pyjamas sorting through old coins. God bless you, Dad I bid him silently, you show me all the things not to do to lead an interesting life.
The next morning, I woke up with some level of excitement. I had finally given in to Danny’s persistent invitations and we were going to Heaven’s Gate. Now that I didn’t have Mindy to weigh me down, I was really looking forward to getting out there and checking out the scene. If all the stories Danny had told me were true, we were in for a very fun time.
I had a kind of nervous anticipation. It had been a long time since I had gone out to dress to impress. Although it didn’t serve me terribly well last time, I put on the same outfit from my date with Jessica, my light pink dress shirt and my dress pants. They were the smartest pieces of clothing I had and, not knowing what the dress code was I figured it was better to be slightly dressed up than slightly dressed down. When I met Danny he was wearing a black tank top with black pants and a black studded bracelet. The guy clearly had no idea how to present himself. I felt sorry for him.
When he looked at me he smiled at me strangely. I asked him what he was smiling about and he wouldn’t say. He was not his usual chatty self on the way to the club. In fact, he barely said any thing at all. It was like he was trying to stop himself from bursting out laughing. He was being really annoying. I would show him I thought. How many girls were all over him at the party? Not many that I saw. And I bet that none of them were even close to being as hot as Nikki. Danny talked a big game, but the fact was I had never ever seen him with a girl before.
We navigated through the more seedy part of town where Heaven’s Gate was based. “There it is” said Danny with that stupid grin on his face. He pointed to the distinctive gothic church-like building that stood taller than its neighbours. By the time we arrived at the large imposing doors where a bouncer and scantily clad gothic looking girl was checking a guest list, I got an inkling of why Danny was looking so smug.
Lining up to get in was an endless supply of black outfits. Not black dress shirts and pants but black, rough looking, and even torn clothing. Most people were in fancy dress or dressed like Danny. I felt like the kid whose parents sent him to school wearing school uniform when all the other kids knew it was uniform-free day. I know, because I was that kid, more than once. I hoped it wouldn’t end in the persistent ridicule like it used to.
Now very aware and self-conscious of my presentation, I stepped through the large door way of Heaven’s Gate and it was like stepping into another world. The music was loud, and aggressive. The middle of the club sloped downward into a makeshift pit where people were dancing frenetically. Others were standing around on higher ground holding their drinks with big smiles on their faces. Everyone seemed to be genuinely enjoying each other’s company. The atmosphere was very relaxed despite the setting created by the dark soundtrack and the sea of dark outfits punctuated by the brightness of a nurse’s or angel’s costume.
In the same way that he opened our night at Wayne’s tribute party, Danny looked into the crowd and rubbed his hands together.
“Come on, lets go grab a drink and get out there” he said enthusiastically. I could have sworn I saw him lick his lips as he said it. I hoped that the higher price of buying drinks over the bar would cause Danny to curb his drinking habits
On the way to the bar, I accidentally bumped into a large, bald, well-built man. Connected to his neck was a black collar with a chain hanging from it. And holding that chain was a petite Asian woman with big fake eyelashes. They looked at me and smiled. Not in the same way that Danny smirked previously but in a genuinely kind sort of way.
“I haven’t seen you around here before” said the one with the large eyelashes.
“This is my first time” I replied. It was all I could manage while attempting to absorb my new surreal surroundings.
“Welcome” she said, extending her free hand “I am Ariel, and this is Mykonos.”
Mykonos did not extend his hand but merely bowed his head forward. Ariel had a firm handshake for someone so small. I also remember thinking that her hands were unusually warm but did not think anything of it at the time.
“I hope you enjoy your evening” Ariel said with a smile as she sexily strutted away on her ridiculously high platform boots and dragged Mykonos away. Over her shoulder, she said something that I couldn’t hear over the noise. I think she said “Nice shirt” before winking at me and completely disappearing into the crowded dance floor.
Danny bought us two of his favourite cola and scotches. “Cheers” he mouthed before almost completely consuming the whole drink in one mouthful. He gestured towards his mouth to ask if I wanted another drink and I showed him my almost full glass.
Danny disappeared into the bar queue and I took in my surroundings. If Mindy had come here, she probably would have freaked out. She was not the most open-minded of individuals and I was guilty of letting this control the breadth of my experience.
A while had passed and I couldn’t see Danny’s head on top of his tall lanky frame sticking up among the heads of other average sized mortals as I usually could. I felt uncomfortable just standing around by myself when it seemed like everyone was having a blast around me. I started venturing out feeling as out of place as a policeman at a hippie convention.
I looked towards the dance floor. Everyone was so loose and fluid. Some were dancing to their own beat. Some were dancing in perfect time with the music. Everyone was dancing carelessly. Some of them were smiling broad grins. Some of them had their eyes closed in some kind of simple ecstasy. I got the feeling they were all really happy for no good reason.
I felt like an impostor amongst this well of positivity. At that moment, my eyes recognised Danny. He was kissing a girl in a white nurses outfit. One hand was holding his drink, the other one was running its fingers through her hair. Even socially awkward alcohol fuelled Danny could make the most of this scene.
Everything was happening so quickly. I was overstimulated and couldn’t think properly. I simultaneously wanted to leave but stay there. All the flurries of sound and lights and limbs were both beautiful and repulsive at the same time.
I went to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face. I took out a paper towel from the dispenser and dabbed my face dry. Another guy came to the sink next to me and started washing his hands.
“Nice shirt” he said to me with a smile and a firm tap on the shoulder before leaving.
I looked at myself in the mirror. What was wrong with me? I had taken a life that was going perfectly well and turned it into a nightmare. And now, in a situation where it seemed impossible for anyone to be unhappy, I was still miserable.
I looked at myself in the mirror, I reflected on the past few weeks. The breakup with Mindy, the feelings of liberation that followed, the embarrassment of being rejected by Jessica, the loss of my internship and probably the only chance to get a head start on my career, and the fruitless hours spent in front of my screen trying to unlock the creativity I knew that was inside me.
I felt like I had lost it all, and I didn’t have that much to start off with. I was starting from zero. In this place, no one but Danny knew me. I could be anyone I wanted to be.
I was no longer, Lex the man with the plan. I was just Lex. I couldn’t think of a better time to reinvent myself.
