Lexicon Chapter 16: A Slight Miscalculation

by JudgeDreadz

I hurriedly paid the shop assistant and half-rushed, half tentatively paced out the door without waiting for my change. I was hoping Dad had already left and was on his way far away from me. The longer I spent under street the more I felt exposed. I think I might have been having a panic attack.

“Hey man, wait up” Danny yelled after me.

My heart was beating so quickly. I hunched over trying to catch my breath and looked up at Danny.

“Isn’t this the thing Stefania invited you to?”

He pressed the flyer into my free hand.

It was an advertisement for the Flawless Triangle concert. The concert was happening at Heaven’s Gate, sure enough, but it was happening on Tuesday.

“I thought Heaven’s Gate only happens on Saturdays.”

“Heaven’s Gate is only a venue, bro. The party we went to only happens on Saturdays. The other nights of the week other stuff happens but you usually see the same people there.”

“But Stef told me next week. Why would she tell me the wrong thing?” I asked, feeling confused and slightly annoyed. Was this some kind of cruel joke that fate and Stef were playing on me?

Danny could see I was getting worked up “Maybe you misunderstood what she said, man. Don’t worry about it. You got your rad new clothes, you got your tickets. Soon, you will have Stefania. You’re set man.”

When Danny was sober, he was pretty good at keeping me from turning my life into a soap opera that revolved around me.

“Oh shit. Tickets” I gasped as I slapped my forehead in disbelief “I don’t have the tickets.”

“That’s OK, man. Triangle are only really popular amongst the Heaven’s Gate crowd. You can just get the tickets online tonight. Trust me, bro, it will all work out. Stefania won’t be able to resist you.” Danny had such a look of genuine joy on his face. I am sure if the tables were turned and he had the chance with Stef, I would not be able to hide my jealousy.

I took a deep breath in. Danny was right. I think seeing my dad in Sir Kinkalots had rattled my already fragile sense of composure.

That night, I managed to get my tickets. I now had $5.73 in my bank account. I was simultaneously the poorest but most clear headed I had been in my entire life. I was broke, but I had a date with a girl who I really clicked with.

And now, as I sit by the hospital bed, listening to the hum of the life sustaining equipment, recounting the events of the last few weeks, I remember holding the ticket to see Triangle in my hand and thinking “Life is good.”

Monday dragged on and I could not concentrate on anything. My mind was filled with anticipation with my date with Stef. I had not seen Dad since our incident. I tried to tell myself we were probably avoiding each other but the fact was that I was probably avoiding him. Only now do I realise how much I had underestimated the value of his words and how things are not always as they seem.

A few hours before the doors of Heaven’s Gate were due to open I tried on my clothes and looked in the mirror a few times. And then I took them off. I could only wear pants that tight for so long.

I took out the familiar bottle of vodka. I needed something to take the edge of my nerves. I filled up a shot glass and let it burn its way down my throat. I poured myself another one, looked at it and put it back on the table. That was enough for now.

I rode the train to Heaven’s Gate. The usually empty train felt even lonelier without Danny beside me. Of the few people in the train with me, I felt like their eyes were fixed on me. The strange thing was, after about ten minutes I got accustomed to it.